If all military spouses have one thing in common, it’s that we worry. We worry all the time.
I totally scrapped the article I had planned for today. Today I will address not only military, but police spouses as well. We all have the same worries anyway.
As I sit here at my computer, I think back to the morning I just had. I got up with our son, I brought him into bed and we watched the rugrats like we do every day. After I was a little more awake, I brought him out to the kitchen and fed him his oatmeal (which he refused) and gave him his milk.
We played with edible yogurt finger paints, and I gave him a bath. I laid him down for his morning nap and I opened facebook. My heart sunk.
Five police officers shot and killed in Dallas. My stomach turned and my heart raced. My heart breaks for those that had to give their lives, for the families that have to face that loss. The loss that we all fear.
The worry never stops when you’re the wife. I’m afraid every day when my husband walks out the front door. I worry about him at the base and I worry about him when he works his weekend job as a police officer. I worry about the base being ambushed, I worry about acts of terror and the fact that he paints a target on his back just by putting on his uniform.
And no, I don’t care that it’s “what I signed up for”. It does not make it easier. I married my husband because I love him and want to spend forever with him, not because he’s in the military or police.
A lot of law enforcement personnel are also military, or former military, members. The hate this world has against those groups is so devastating to me. My husband is a good man, he is an amazing father and husband, he is good at both of his jobs, and yet he is hated by strangers for the uniforms he wears. How is that any better than hating someone because of the color of their skin?
When will the world start judging based on actions rather than stereotyping entire groups of people?
Doctors have handed out prescriptions that have lead to drug addictions and overdoses. Nurses have injected their patients with diseases such as HIV and Hep C. Restaurants have given people Hepatitis, Listeria, and E Coli. Corporate leaders have sexually assaulted and harassed women that work under them. There are bad people in every profession. Corruption is everywhere, and yet those professions are not being attacked.
I don’t feel hated when I put on my scrubs, but I know my husband does when he puts on his uniform. He does not wear his ABUs when we are out in public, and not because he is ashamed or afraid, but because he knows it places a target on our family and he wants us to be safe.
My husband would not just take a bullet for me, but he would take one for you- even though he doesn’t know you. He doesn’t take his job or his duties lightly but he will do what he needs to do to come home to me and our son.
I hug my husband extra tight, I kiss him extra long, and I hold him close at night… just incase I don’t have forever with him. He’s my best friend, and when he leaves in the morning (or at night) I worry. He hates it, but I worry anyway. I worry when he’s five minutes late or when he doesn’t answer my text right away. I know logically that he’s busy, but my mind automatically goes to the worse case scenario.
I worry so much it takes my breath away, but I also know that he’s worth it. I knew him before the uniform. I was there when he graduated police academy, I was there when he graduated basic training. I’m here now, through all the anxiety, and I will be there for whatever happens in the future. I will stand by him always, and I will stand by others going through the same thing.
I know my words will not change the opinion of people with so much hate. But I can only hope that others struggling to wade through all the worry will know that they are not alone.
Tonight, I’ll greet my husband when he gets home. I’ll watch him change out of his ABUs and change into his police uniform. I’ll kiss him goodbye, and lay my son down to sleep and I’ll cry. I’ll cry for the lives that are lost, and I’ll cry for my husband as I pray for his safety.
My heart breaks for those that lost their loved ones in the Dallas shooting, and all the other mass attacks on our military members, law enforcement, or innocent civilians (such as the Orlando attack). I’m not religious but I will pray for their families today and everyday. I will pray for this hatred to stop and that one day we will return to our patriotic ways; where good people are respected and bad people are punished.